her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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