Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
