I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
