when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
