ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
