you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Drunk is not a location!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
