Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
