She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
