You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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