She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
