It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
