Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
