He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
