its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
