he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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