its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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