hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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