I CAN MOONWALK!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
