I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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