You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
