I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
