I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
