Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
