1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
please come you make the beer taste better
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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