If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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