Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
