Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
