There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
