Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
