I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
as a side note pls kill me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
