"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
