Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
