I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
