Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
