We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
