quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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