Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
