Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
