Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
