Cold hands, warm shart.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
