Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
