also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
