stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
