She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
