At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
