Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
