We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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