Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
