im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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