you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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