the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
