Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
